TSOALR - The Forum

by **Anonymous** » Tue Apr 05, 2005 3:12 pm

Hey there fellow TSOALR fans,

I've been thinking about posting this for ages after seeing the Space Marine Recruting ad months back. It isn't as well thought out as the other ads, so can u tell me what would make it better. Here it goes...enjoy.

A large Imperial Gaurd logo appears and you here a mans voice...
" Are stuck in a dead end job and weighed down by work and stress"
Camera pans to see a man crushed to death by a huge pile of paper in an office.
"Do you like being in the company of millions of other deadbeats"
shows a picture of the streets of New York at rush hour.
"Do you want to die but can't bring yourself to do it yourself?"
see a man in clear distress.
"Or do you just need the exercise"
See a man trying to fit into a car but getting stuck.
"Well join the Imperial Gaurd today"
camera pans to see a Gaurdsman being sacrificed to a chaos god. He is in extreme pain and is being killed very slowly.
In the background, "I told the guys at the Technology department this was the last time" Here footsteps then gunshots and screams.
The man comes back again..."There thats better, anyway, join the Imperial Gaurd today and you get plenty of exercise, stress relievence, excitement, are always in the company of millions of other lowlifes and have an almost certain chance of dying a quick painless death"...(quick voice in background) "Actuall chance of death being quick and or painless 10 billion to one"
Advert Ends

by **Tyranid Fodder** » Wed Apr 06, 2005 7:14 pm

Pretty good, but I like the space marine on better.

by **Guest** » Thu Apr 07, 2005 3:35 pm

Thanks, what do you think could make it better though.

by **Anonymous** » Thu Apr 07, 2005 3:38 pm

By the way that was me above, just I forgot 2 log in... :oops:

by **Tyranid Fodder** » Thu Apr 07, 2005 6:34 pm

I like steve's jokes on the 3,576 Cadians and such. (I made up that number I just rember it is really big).

I think showing the "heroic" guard in action would be funny.

"Quick fix bayonets and charge"

Much hacking and slashing.

"Runaway!"

by **zterrans** » Thu Apr 07, 2005 7:08 pm

More gaurdsmen moments:
"Fire!" Six thousand gaurdsmen discharge hundeds of las-rounds-
One chaos cultist falls because the light show blinded him and he stumbled over a rock.
Ah, the lasgun, for when a flashlight is considered too powerful a weapon

by **Anonymous** » Thu Apr 07, 2005 7:27 pm

The Imperial Guard.
It's not just a career, it's a death sentance.

"You have completed your year of training. Welcome to the Imperial guard infantry Platoon soldier! You there, You have the honor of weilding the plasma gun. There is about an eleven percent chance that every shot you fire the weapon will explode and kill you. Have a nice day."

by **ragingpotato** » Thu Apr 07, 2005 10:35 pm

Quotes From my IG: The Red Shirts of Raed
"Ha! Vehicles are for the weak"

"Ha! Helmets are for the weak"

"Ha! Properly functioning equipment is for the weak"

"WITCH!"

"Welcome to training. This is a lasgun. This end is pointed at the Enemy. Send the next group of recruits in on your way out."

"I'll trade you this gun thingy for that shiny rock"

The Red Shirts, Imperiums least competent fighting force

by **Guest** » Fri Apr 08, 2005 7:10 am

Jeeze I can't believe I didn't think of any of these before,there sooo funny, I'll try and write a new one with all the ideas, but keep 'em coming.

by **Anonymous** » Fri Apr 08, 2005 7:14 am

Great, once again I embarass myself by forgetting 2 log in when replying to my reply's :oops:

. That was me above, and I spelt they're wrong... GOD DAMN IT :evil:

by **vompovompatti** » Fri Apr 08, 2005 8:48 am

Daily rituals:
-Pray the dice gods for lot of 5+ throws and lot of misses to the enemy.
-Pray your owner for a carapace armour and a mortar.
-If you are in close combat and manage to survive pray the dice god again so you can run away in panic.
-Hope you get a special weapon, com-link or a heavy weapon. With gear like that you won't be the first one to die.
-If you need to use a grav-chute drop out of the table edge.

by **ragingpotato** » Sun Apr 10, 2005 4:58 am

More quotes
"THere's the enemy'
"By the emperor their hideous! what are those things!"
"That's 3rd platoon, the enmy is in front of them"

"Hey, Bob is dead"
"No I'm not
"The other Bob"
"I'm fine too"
"Me too"
"No I mean-FREEM

"Charge the Heretics! I'll be over here not doing that!"

"Who are those funny looking guys charging at us with guns?"

by **Anonymous** » Mon Apr 11, 2005 6:00 am

Against Chaos o Tyranid:

-Sarge "C¥mon boys charge"
-PRivate 1: "But they are Bershekers/genestealer"
-Sarge: "i know boy, but what can go wrong?"
All the squad charge...

you already know the rest of the history...

by **ragingpotato** » Thu Apr 14, 2005 2:45 am

Finally the most commonly uttered phrase in the IG

"Do what now?"

by **Anonymous** » Thu Apr 14, 2005 9:00 am

A little off topic in regards to IG, but quotes in Niddish.

"I just feel so depressed. It just seems that everyone else has bigger sacs than me."

"Huh? Speak up."

"If you don't talk loud enough I'll have to put you in my mouth in order to hear."

"Get into my mouth if you want to live."

"ARRRGHH!!! Run for the-- wait a sec. WTF was that?"

"Sniff. I just can't beleive they're coming out with an upgrade already!"

"A working circulatory system is for weaklings!"

TSOALR - The Forum

Imperial Guard Recruiting ad

Imperial Guard Recruiting ad

Who is online