Right, my gaming society's annual huge battle took place today. Basically, the email informing us all of these things tends to include the words "a chance to use all those models you never use normally". Everyone involved totals up their points, and then we're split into two roughly equal sides which fight over a battlefield big enough that indirect fire on Basilisks occasionally can't get range on the furthest units.
Today, we had one team of: IG with Witch Hunter support (now referred to as Phall/Phallians as the player has decided that they are Triplex Phall's guardsmen); Black Templars; Space Wolves; IG who deployed in the middle as an objective (poor guys)(referred to as Penal Legion); Ultramarines; Ultramarines with Daemon Hunters; Marines of some kind (probably standard Codex, but not Ultras); some Tau; and my own Mechanised IG/Armoured Battlegroup/Super heavy force (now referred to as Deliani/Delian as I'm a shameless thief when it comes to naming anything and have placed them on a planet with said name. Anyone who gets the reference has my undying love.)
This fought with: Blood Angels turned traitor for points balance reasons ("Blood for the Blood G...sorry, Emperor"); Ork Speed Freeks; more Speed Freeks; Eldar; Eldar of a different Craftworld; Tyranids; and yet more Eldar.
From my experience last year, I took notes on the slightly silly things that happened. So, without further ado, a transcript of the notepad page titled "Stupid", with a few additions:
-First up, and early on, we have a frankly humiliating close combat: Penal Guard 1, Tyranid Lictor 0.
-The obligatory deep strike overkill: Tyranid warriors secide to deep strike behind the Baneblade. Which puts them 6 inches from it, about 12 from two Basilisks, 9 from a tactical squad, 13 from another tactical squad, 15 from a third, and 18 from a fourth. After not really doing much of anything to the Baneblade, they are humiliatingly shot up by Sentinels which haven't got anything else to do as they're the slowest things I'm fielding
-Actually using those Warriors on the super-heavy was frankly confusing - the slow Baneblade barely made it into range on the huge battlefield and there was too much terrain blocking line of sight for it to be truly scary. The nearby Basilisks, dropping shells far off onto other units, were much worse as a threat. The player claims he thought he would get glory from the Baneblade, but the Basilisks were doing much more damage by shelling bottlenecks in the map. And anything that I decided I didn't like.
-Absolute overkill: Russ Vanquisher (Strength 8 + 2D6 armour penetration if I so choose) versus...an Ork Trukk (armour 10).
-As it turns out, the Trukk hit by this and thoroughly annihilated (ordnance penetration 6) contained 533 points of Ork HQ units. This was two turns after an orbital Lance strike from the Phallians had done the same to the other Ork player, hitting 586 points of HQ.
-Throughout the battle, people were making adverts to stick on the Deliani Guardsman's banner which has the words "Your advert here" painted on it. "After the battle, why not drop into Kharn the Beertrayer's Ale House?" was my favourite, so it got to stay on. Yes, I've seen the "50 Ways to Annoy Wargamers" list. However, the sniggering suggested amusement rather than annoyance.
-Folowing their victory over the Lictor, the Penal Guard begin to do nicely in close combat for the entire game. Poor enemies. The survivors have the humiliation of being beaten up by Guardsmen...
-Orks fight an Immolator unsuccessfully. It drops out Sisters of Battle who proceed to beat up the Orks in a somewhat violent fashion. The Phall player later stated "Real men run away screaming like sissy girls. Sissy girls beat the Orks back with vigour."
-3 three traitor Blood Angel Scout Squads insist on attacking the (entire) Ultramarines force. As is expected, they lose. Except for the one surviving scout who keeps failing his Blood Rage tests and going nuts, fleeing the fight before charging back into it while screaming about blood.
-And in all of this, the Delian player was prancing about in a Soviet Commissar's hat. Admittedly, this did cause a mass outbreak of laughter after it was noticed that I put it on. It's been suggested that I find some way to model this onto my commander model and use it as a Trademark Item. If anyone wants to see pictures of me looking really silly, I think they'll be sent out shortly.
I'll probably remember more idiocy tomorrow.
EDIT the first: Or indeed, two minutes after the post:
-The joys of inaccuracy - due to the potential for long-range weaponry to annoy far off units, scatter rules were customised for this huge battlefield. Up to 4', the scatter dice are rolled as normal. Up to 8', another dice is added to the distance (ie, the basic scatter +1D6). Up to 12', a second D6 is added in (basic +2D6). Basically, every 4 feet of range adds in another D6. The Phallians and Delians were co-ordinating shelling, discussing potential targets befor most turns. For much of the game, this resulted in three Basilisks dropping explosives on a fjord which many enemies were charging across as it wasn't difficult terrain like the rest of the river, which meant many targets - even if it scattered far, it would hit *something*
However, there was one Eldar player who kept getting aimed at as he was using the crossing most, and it tended to scatter onto his other forces nearby. But one turn, I decided not to bomb him. There were other scary units I wanted dead. I informed him of this intention as he commented on being bombed heavily.
And then one of my shots intended for Orks scattered right onto his Eldar. I've never actually apologised for killing large parts of an enemy unit and meant it.
Edit 2: And more:
-I'll be the first to admit that my army wasn't exactly in the place where it would do most damage, but the sum total of my casulaties were 9 Stormtroopers in 5351 points of various armies. Aside from them, the only attack launched on me was one which slightly slowed down the Baneblade and prevented the huge battlecannon from firing for a turn. I just never got attacked and was left free to drop orndance on anything I could see. Or, in the case of the Basilisks, anything I felt needed blatting with explosives from afar, regardless of sight.