Cosmic Space Knights of (doom)

[Chapter Master Pavlov]

That fluff is pretty dang cool... Ptera-Squirels!!!! run for your lives! were those really in rouge trader? wow, the wonders of 80's Sci-Fi. You should consider entering the Black Libray's competition. http://www.blacklibrary.com/shortstorycompetition/default.asp
I think your fluff is of very good quality.

[ragingpotato]

Other than the rater odd fact that the captain's personal bodyguard apparently consists of a third of the chapter, it was very well-written fluff. Ptera-squirrels sound like an abomination unto the emperor and should be exterminated at all costs.

[Ghost Fist]

Yes.....very nice fluff. I like the Ptera-Squirrels.....but.....
It's amazingly clear that you stole the last part from "300"
"Hot gates?" "300?" "Bodyguard?"

that aside, nice fluff, I hope to see more.

[Doghouse]

Thanks guys!

Chapter Master Pavlov: Thanks mate, I'll look into that.
Other great enemies of the Imperium of that tme include the Catachan Face Eater which is creature that resembles a face cloth and likes to lurk in damp places like bathrooms and the Bouncers from the planet Chbal which were basically beachballs with little talons.

ragingpotato: It's more of an excuse for the Captain to get some boots on the ground. The idea is that he thinks he's outsmarting the Governor, in reality he probably only has the standard five man squad as his guard.

Ghost Fist: Oh yeah that was completely intentional.
I was playing on the idea that the story becomes a ridiculus parody of 300, hence the 300 bodyguard, the comment about the captain armour being spartan and the Hot Gates reference. However, instead of Persians they're facing a million Ptera-Squirrels.

[Doghouse]

The Rules Lawyer

Due to the other zealous and rather destructive nature of the Astartes members of the Chapter it was decided by the Union of Chapter Serfs and Servitors (UCSS) that it was in the best interests of the Chapter as a whole if they were regulated somewhat.
Numerous incidents involving massive destruction of private property and the untimely deaths of UCSS members were slowly bankrupting the chapter as compensation claims soared.
The Rules Lawyer is a Health and Safety Representative of the UCSS and is attached to either command squads or individual squads. By consulting the the holy tomb known as the Big Black Book it is their role to point out to the Astartes dangerous areas that may result in personal injury.
Rules Lawyers are required to wear bright yellow armour so that they may be seen at all times after several members were mysteriously run over by Land Raiders, knocked off cliffs or accidently shot in the back of the head at point blank range whilst sleeping then jettisoned out an airlock.
Needless to say Rules Lawyers aren't very popular with the Clones don't live very long...

Special Rules

Risk Assessment
The Rules Lawyer performs risk assessments of all surrounding terrain before the battle indicating areas that may result in a member of the chapter poking his eye out or otherwise injuring himself.
On the plus side they have been known to accidently flush out a squad of enemy infiltrators whilst laying down high visability hazard tape around dangerous ruins or holes.
Rules Lawyers count as an Auspex.

Safety Lecture
In the melee of hand to hand combat it is easy to forget just how dangerous close combat weapons really are.
Sharp edges can needlessly cause injury and unsterilised weapons can cause nasty blood infections.
During hand to hand combat the Rules Lawyer will lecture the enemy on the merits of health and safety pointing out that they really shouldn't be running with those power weapons and that six foot long talon could easily have someone's eye out if they are not careful.
Rules Lawyers count as a Combat Shield.

Wargear
Rules Lawyers can be taken by anyone who has access to the armoury. They cannot be targeted as they are wargear and are removed when the character dies. A Rules Lawyer costs 12/7pts.

WIP Rules Lawyer

[Doghouse]

The Clones

The vast majority of chapters maintain a strict process for recruitment to ensure the purity of their future battle brothers. Initiates are selected at an early age, screened, augmented, screened again, subjected to hypno-conditioning and then must under go battle field training as Scouts before being able to take their place amongst their brothers as a full Astartes.
The CSK(od) are unfortunately not one of the vast majority.
Since the introduction of the advanced and forbidden cloning device the CSK(od) are rarely under strength, often being able to deploy on the battle field as an entire chapter.
Clones are created using the geneseed of the chapter's greatest living hero Maximus Vaan Damage, Captain of the first company and all round great guy.

Clone Academy
The process for cloning new brothers is relatively quick, an entire Tactical squad can be created in a mere matter of hours, an entire company can be completed in a day.
Clones are sent to Clone Academy and after an intense two week induction course are assigned a role within the chapter.
Although theoretically speaking a Clone could live for several centuries most rarely make it past the four week mark due to accidents and battlefield errors.
Anyone that makes it past five weeks is often considered a veteran.



The S.A.P.S

Most clones are assigned to the regular Tactical, Assault or Devastator squads. Those that demonstrate a degree of mechanical aptitude and can break into a Rhino using only a coat-hanger are assigned to the Techmarines, those that look good in black, like scarey skull masks and shouting alot are assigned to the Chaplains, those that look a bit wizardy, can do the freaky starey eye thing and can guess how many fingers the selector is holding up behind his back are sent to the Librarium.
The Scouts however are a different story altogether. Selected just after being created they receive advanced training and are taught the skills of field craft and survival.
Absolute masters of camoflage they are the chapter's silent death, an elite fighting force that occationally can actually complete a mission (or at least get really, really close to completing it without blowing themselves up).
They are the proud and the few, they are the best of the best, they are the Stealth Assault Patrols.

Special Rules

S.A.P.s
SAPs use the Scout stats and rules.

Masters of Disguise
The SAPs are trained to blend into any enviroment..that contains some form of small shrubs, trees or bushes.
Thanks to the Curse of the Absurd very few enemies will question what a small Privet hedge is doing on the bridge of their battle cruiser, figuring that is obviously supposed to be there and is clearly someone else's problem.
SAPs may Infiltrate if the mission allows it.



WIP S.A.P.s






They're the first minis I've ever had to prune.

[Chapter Master Pavlov]

I likey those S.A.P.S.!!! Nice fluff on them... And the rules lawer "counts as a combat shield" HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA Oh my god, so frickin hilarious!!!!!!!!!!! And awesome modelling too!!!!!!!!

[Que Dan]

"We want you to find us... another shruberry!"
"Yeah right. Eat bolter, heretic!"
*dakka*

Those miniatures are made of win, highlighed with awesomness, and shaded with coolness.

[gwpainter]

Absolutely the Best, Hilarious!!
MORE PLEASE!

[Doghouse]

Cheers guys!

Just to explain a little more about the origins of the chapter I have included the following text and another short story:

The Curse of Machovik

Although his career was otherwise unremarkable Senior Adept Henar Machovik had been honoured by his assignment to the creation of a new chapter designated The Carnage Knights.
Although he was a humble man in most respects deep within his soul he harboured a longing, a dark seed of ambition and pride that whispered to him that he should be recognised for his life time of dedication and hard work.

His assignment was to prove more difficult than expected. The Gene-seed had developed unexpected flaws that had lead to radical destabilisation within the zygote structure. No-matter how he tryed he could not rememedy the problem and soon he began to overhear whispered conversations when ever he entered a room, conversations that threatened to become allegations of incompetence that would tarnish his career. He was becoming desperate.

On his homeworld of Felnir Prime there was an ancient legend of a god of whom it was said to know his true name was to know madness.
To the people of Felnir he was known as Loki'lk the Trickster God and the fables told of how he would offer all a man could desire but for at a great personal cost. The stories never ended well but Malchovik knew he was running out of time so he envoked the god in an ancient and forbidden ritual in a moment of desperation.
Loki'k appeared to Malchovik and agreed that he would help the Adept to reverse the degredation in the gene-seed. As his wish was granted Malchovik paniced and destroyed the circle of summoning that bound the trickster god to the material universe. Their bargin broken Loki'lk damned the adept and the gene-seed of the Carnage Knights as he was drawn back into the warp with the Curse of the Absurd.
Loki'lk was a minor god of the warp. His power depended on the laughter of man, the absurd and the ironic to fuel his very existance.
During the dark times of the Age of Strife his power grew weak. The terrible acts and suffering that occured since this time like the Horus Heresy, the numerous Black Crusades for example, had sapped his strength and he now faced oblivion.
Machovik had unwittedly saved him, his brief venture into the material universe had allowed him to tamper with the laws of reality.
The Curse of the Absurd would warp the very nature of the material universe around those that bore it. The real would become the surreal, the absurd would become the norm, life around those that bore the curse would become a parody and with each act of insanity Loki'lk would slowly grow more powerful.
Unknown to them the Carnage Knights would become his crusading army of the absurd and ridiculus.
Machovik realised his folly but before he could warn the others he slipped on a banana skin and was flattened by a grand piano.




Contact

Even through the external grill and advanced breathing filters of his MkVII helm Brother-Sergeant Smith's augmented senses could pick out the individual scents of his surroundings. He could indentify his power armoured brothers by their individual musks. He could taste the faint metallic taint that hung in the air produced by the distant sprawling factories of Vengist City, carried by the prevailing winds.
He could distinguish the individual sounds of the forest mapping his surroundings in his mind's eye despite the suit's sophisticated augers and auspexes. More importantly he could sense his enemy.
Smith silently raised a clenched fist signalling for his squad to halt. Each brother tensed as they immediately scanned the forest for signs of xenos activity, each brother watching the back of the man next to him.
There had been no word from Captain Maximus Vaan Damage and his brave 300 since they had left for the Hot Gates.
Supreme Grand Chapter Master Benchpress had ordered the newly created clone tactical squads to begin sweeping the forests north of the city to locate their last known position.
The Techs had a theory that there may well be a type of Ptera-Squirrel they hadn't encountered before, an intelligent leader caste, a Brain-Squirrel that must be eliminated at all costs.
Sure, the Ptera-Squirrels hadn't mounted any form of offensive to suggest sucha creature existed or displayed any form of activity other than scampering around the trees chasing each other's tails playfully.
But it was only a matter of time before they got organised and the war would begin in earnest.

The attack was sudden and unexpected. The attacker dropped from the trees above gliding on thin membranes that streched between it's limbs to land squarely on the face plate of Brother Deadmeat.
It clung to his visor briefly, staring him in the face curiously before scampering across his head and over his pack.
Unable to draw a bead on his assailant with his Plasma Cannon Deadmeat let out a squeal of anguish.
As one the squad turned and fired, the forest floor lit up with the blinding flash and roar of mass-reactive bolter shells impacting against Brother Deadmeat's armour. Then there was silence.

As the smoke cleared the squad advanced on the fallen form of their brother.
"Brother Deadmeat?... really sorry about that, are you ok?" Brother Token enquired sheepishly as he knelt next to his prone comrade and gentley prodded the marine with his index finger.
Deadmeat sat bolt up right. "YOU SHOT ME...YOU SHOT ME YOU FETHING JERKS!" He screamed almost hysterically. His armour was pitted, blackened and scarred by the bolt shells, great pits of ceramite had been torn into the suit. "THAT REALLY HURT...YOU...YOU DUMB JERKS!"

"Yeah...erm...well, sorry!" Token cringed "There was this xenos and it was sort of on your face..."

Brother-Sergeant Smith's head raised his bolter "Anyone else hear that?" He interupted.

"Hear what?" Token said as he stood adopting a combat stance.

"That whirling hissing sound," he cocked his head slightly as if listening intently "I can taste something unnatural in the air, something tainted, something industrial."

"All I can taste is fething blood" Deadmeat muttered as he wrenched his battered helmet free and spat several teeth into the palm of his hand.

Smith's mind raced back to his intensive training at Clone Acadamy several weeks previously. Being two weeks old and the eldest most experienced clone member of the squad Smith had been assigned as Sergeant.
But what was it he wasn't seeing here, what was it that whirled, hissed and produced chemical odours.

"Oh Throne..." He grimaced as he looked at Brother Deadmeat's Plasma pack, coolant gases venting from a ruptured hose.

"What?" Deadmeat said he rubbed his head smiling a toothless grin.

"Plasma reactor meltdown..."

"Oh...feth..." Deadmeat sighed.

The immediate forest was consumed by a brilliant blue ball of light. Trees and foliage were vapourised as the super heated gases of the Plasma Cannon erupted in critical mass. Then there was only darkness.

Being the furthest from Deadmeat's position when the reactor blew the Brother-Sergeant had been thrown clear of the explosion's epicenter to land deep into the forest.
As he lay on his side he became aware of the faintest sensation of a breeze blowing against his face through the shattered lenses of his visor.
Although he had no idea of how badly he'd been injured, his pounding head was a clear sign that he was still alive.
As his vison began to clear he saw it.
The Ptera-Squirrel approached in small bounding hops to stop right next to his face. Smith stared into it's two twinkling evil little eyes, his hearts pounding as it wrinkled it's tiny nose as if to sniff his visor.
Try as he might he couldn't move his arm to reach his bolt pistol sidearm.
It moved it's furry little face closer, then stopped.
Stood on it's two back leg's, it's tiny ears erect, it twiched it's head as it sniffed the air repeatedly.
The deafening crack of two trees spliting apart behind echoed across the forest as the large ceramite and admantium foot of Brother Hulk's dreadnought came crashing down squashing the xeno flat.
"Feth you, alien scum!" Smith laughed as he painfully rolled onto his front before using the venerable dreadnought's greave to haul himself to his feet.
There was little time for celebrations however.

"BROTHER-SERGEANT," Brother Hulk's voice boomed out over his external vox speakers "I'M READING MULTIPLE LIFE SIGNS ALL AROUND OUR POSITION, WE ARE SURROUNDED!"

"Throne!" Smith snarled unholstering his bolt pistol with fumbling fingers "It's a trap, we are truely undone!"

[Ghost Fist]

I really like the SAPs. Horrible pun, too, as in "those poor saps" or the word, "sappers."
As for the Rules Lawyer, if someone at my club reads that, they're gonna using me as a shield....

good fluff, too. I like it

[Doghouse]

Thanks mate!

Long overdue update...



"GIVE ME ONE HUNDRED SPACE MARINES, FAILING THAT GIVE ME ONE HUNDRED THOUSAND SCREAMING WEASELS..."
Anon: Siege of Mudball III


+++Chapter Cross-Reference - The Screaming Weasels+++
+++Inquisitorial Clearance - What number am I thinking of?+++
+++Current Chapter Base: Classified...well...maybe not so much classified as sort of misplaced...I'm sure I wrote it down here somewhere...+++
+++This Transmission is based on a true story that my room mate Dave told me+++


Origins

During the time before the time of the complete destruction of their homeworld the Cosmic Space Knights (of doom) had decided that they were in fact Successors of the Black Templars.
Many of the Chapter's historians point out that this was due to trace elements in the sixth zygote that strongly suggested genetic markers that may have originated from the Primarch Rogal Dorn.
Other more liberal thinkers point out that this is just rubbish made up by the then Supreme Grand Chapter Master Stubble Largepecks to justify him getting his hands on a sporty new Land Raider Crusader.
Such liberal thinkers have long since found themselves assigned to be UCSS Rules Lawyers and accidently repeatedly run over by a Land Raider Crusader before being accidently shot in the back of the head whilst sleeping and dumped out an airlock.
Due to the relaxed recruiting standards at this time the CSK(od) Chapter ranks grew to an unimaginable and to be frank unmanageble size.
Such barbaric recruiting practices such as the trial of the thousand dagger cuts had long since been replaced by more entertaining trials such as the holy trial of fitting your fist into your mouth or the blessed trial of beer mat flipping.
After much debate and consultation of the chapter's most sacred artifact, the Emperor's Magic Eightball, it was finally decided that the Chapter should sire a number of Successors. The first of which would be the Screaming Weasels.



The Great Founding of The Screaming Weasels

The Chapter Council debated for many months as to the nature of their first true successors. What form of combat would they specialise in? Who would be worthy of leading them, forging them in battle untill the day when their name rang out across the very stars themselves carried by word of their great exploits? What aspects of war should be concidered when divining their heraldry and chapter icon, would they strike from the heavens above like the eagle or would they tear into their enemy mercilessly like the Lion?
These and many other questions that should have been concidered were thrown out the window after some of the brothers managed to vapourise the west wing of the monestry along with the Supreme Grand Chapter Master's newly constructed Land Raider Crusader during a drunken game of pin the melta bomb on the donkey. The trouble makers had to go!

And so the chapter council announced a great feast to be held on the planet of Spitball Prime in honour of the new founding. Word was spread throughout the chapter that the party would be held in shifts, the first one thousand would decend to the planet via drop pod and begin the celebrations to be later joined by successive waves of their brethren who had to remain behind to do some important stuff that the first wave clearly wouldn't be interested in.
The truth, however, was slightly more sinister. The first wave had been selected by the council from the the more...how shall we say?.."special" battle brothers. Those that had truely excelled at ineptitude, those brothers that found themselves out of their depth in a car park puddle, the ones that had been forced to wear mittens to stop them from hurting themselves.
Once the brothers had disembarked from the battle barges via drop pod heading for planetside the fleet left orbit and headed for the warp.



The Dropsite Masquerade

After making planet fall it was several hours before the betrayal became apparent and several hours more before one of the brothers found a note pinned to a single keg of beer:








And so the Screaming Weasels were formed, however, fate was to yet deal a cruel blow to the CSK(od). The destruction of their homeworld resulted in near total annihilation of the CSK(od) with over ninety percent of their chapter wiped out ensuring that no further successors would be created.




Chapter Icon

The Screaming Weasels traditon states that each brother is reponsible for maintaining his own armour, this includes painting his own squad markings and chapter icon onto the shoulder pads.
This has led to some degree of rivalry between brothers that can paint and those that can't. For example Brother Grissel Bigthumbs was woefully unskilled when it came to painting and resorted to using a crude stamp made from a potato dipped in white paint.
Brother Davinci Vangoff, however, was a master of the paint brush and spent hundreds of hours perfecting what can only be described as a "work of genius that made all those who gazed apon it weep tears of joy".
Brother Vangoff's tragic death was a great loss to the chapter and the circumstances of his demise still remain a mystery to this day. He was found dead in his quarters, stuffed in a locker having forcibly choked to death on several large potatoes dipped in white paint.

Chapter Colours

Brother Hans Slamdunk; Second Company



Veteran Sergeant Chuck Bigchest; Second Company

[Ghost Fist]

Very nice. I especially liked the potato dipped in white paint, and the unfortunate demise of Davinci Vangoff. Probably Fuchismo's first (and only) human sacrifice, right, RP?

Good Job

[ragingpotato]

Great fluff. Very funny indeed! However, is it just me, or is there nothing remotely sinister about the ptera-squirrels? If so, this makes it all the more hilarious.
The Screaming Weasels are also a great name, reminicent of my Raedan Regiment, The Screaming Beavers.
Ghost FIst, technically, Fuchismo's first sacrifice was when The Chapter Master of the Acolytes chucked a serf into a deep fryer for beating him at Space Marinopoly. However Brother Vangoff's death does count, and hopefully Fuchismo shall grant me with the new chaos spawn boxed set because of it.

[Doghouse]

Cheers guys!

ragingpotato: Yeah, they pose absolutely no threat to anyone.
They're quite harmless.



The Legacy of Brother Davinci Vangoff

Since the creation of their new Fortress-Monastery on Spitball II (formerly the Treehouse-Monastery) Brother Vangoff had been an exceptionally gifted pioneer of technology. After the creation of their chapter the battle brothers realised that they basically had the armour they were wearing and a keg of beer with which to work with. It is written that the heavens parted and a glorious ray of light sent by the Emperor himself guided the brother Vangoff to a hidden temple now know as the "Grand Repository of Knowledge and Stuff."
The truth is somewhat different, after a blazing arguement with Brother Bigthumbs, Vangoff stormed off into the desert only to fall down an abandoned mineshaft. When he came to he discovered that he had discovered a complete and intact STC system.
From here he created everything the chapter needed, always careful to ensure that he and he alone knew the correct codes to imput to create what was needed.
It was a golden era that came to an abrupt end with his untimely and mysterious death. The Techmarines laboured long and hard to try to get the machine that Vangoff claimed to have created to work. But no-matter how hard they tryed they couldn't get it right. It seemed that the secrets of the "Artificiers Creation Machine Engine" would be forever lost.
That was untill one of Vangoff's assistants stumbled across his secret journal that told of clues hidden throughout the Fortress-Monastery that would unlock the code of the great A.C.M.E.
After half and hour the techmarines gave up looking having realised that Vangoff was far too clever for his own good and now produce things by wildly stabbing at the keypad and hoping for the best. Whatever comes out the other end is claimed to be what the Techmarine intended to create in the first place.

The Legendary Plate Armour of Doom

It is said that before his untimely death Vangoff had begun work on upgrading the armour of the chapter and that he had created seven suits of power armour so wonderous that their very beauty would turn blows aside. This is probably a bit of an exaggeration and it's far more likely got something to do with the sophisiticated repulsor fields housed with the armour itself.
To date only one suit has been found and is traditionally worn by the Supreme Grand Chapter Master.


Chapter Organisation

The Screaming Weasels are divided into ten standard companies as laid down in the codex numbering one to ten. The First being the veteran company and the tenth being the Scout company.

Battlecry[

"Not in the Face!"

Chapter Traits

Cut and Paste
Being a Successor of the CSK(od) the Chapter follows the example of their Progenitors for guidance in matters of organisation.
However, the Screaming Weasels have long since decided that all the aggrovation caused by organisational changes really aren't worth the effort.
Therefore some of the CSK(od) rules apply to the Screaming Weasels but in true codex style they are simply cut and paste with the term "CSK(od) being replaced by "The Screaming Weasels."
See And They Shall Have no Clue for an example.


And They Shall Have No Clue

The Screaming Weasels are notoriously bad at organisation of any kind. Many battles have been won simply because they have overrun enemy positions thinking they were retreating to their own lines Many times they have halted their retreat (Cross Reference: See Tactical Withdrawal) to bicker amongst themselves as to who had the Thunderhawk keys last and who's stupid idea was it to come here in the first plase?
The Screaming Weasels benefit from the And They Shall Know No Fear special rules.


The Legendary Armour of Vangoff

It is said that who ever wears this armour will be destined for greatness or at the very least look pretty darn cool. The armour is currently worn by Supreme Grand Chapter Master Lars Bigmuscles.

Special Rules

The armour is treated as Artificier Armour and incorporates an Iron Halo. As it is extremely rare only one suit may be taken in an army.

Recruitment Poster