And Part 3.
A week after initially setting out from Sector 231, Red Shirt Squad Beaver Alpha finally returned to their cozy little bunker. Unfortunately, it was no longer cozy, in the sense of actually existing. In their abscence the bunker had been caved in by an artillery shell and replaced with a barracks. Then the barracks had been hit with an artillery shell. Now there was a taco stand.
"Sarge! Our home! Its gone!" Henderson stuttered in disbelief. Jenkins fell to his knees and shouted into the sky:
Sarge approached the taco stand, had a discussion with the Red Shirt manning it, then returned to the squad.
"Well boys, the bad news is, the bunkers gone, along with our possessions that were nside it. The good news is we got a new mission! We are to link up with the 101st Raedan Airborne to launch a full frontal assault on the chaos fortress!"
"You mean the shoe store?"
"Yes. The shoe store. We might want to get us some tacos before our mission."
"Sir, with all due respect, I think command wants to kill us."
"Nonsense whatever your name is, the 101st are a perfectly able regiment."
"Sarge, first of all, my name is John Henderson, I've known you for 7 months. Second of all, the "Ralph Brigade" is the most incompetent bunch of lunatics to come off of Raed IX, and that's saying something."
Off to the side, Macgregor and Jenkins were trying to see who could stare at the sun the longest.
"I mean, seriously. We suck."
"Hey, Red Shirts, while you ladies were talking we came up with a plan" "Now why use 'we', we are technically one person" "Well I just want them to recognise our unique situation" "Oh shut it! You always do this, always putting emphasis on your problems so people will take pity on you." "Me! What about you, trying to be nice to everyone just so you can use them later!" "Fethhead!"
"Private Ranulf. You say you had a plan?"
The 101st Raedan Airborne, The Ralph Brigade. While every regiment from Raed takes extremely heavy casualties, none can compare to the sheer lucklessness of the Ralph Brigade. In every engagement since its founding it has been wiped out to a man. Oddly enough, every time it is reformed it is made up almost exclusively of men named Ralph. This is due primarily to the large farming community it recruits from, where that is pretty much the only name people give their children. In any case, the regiment is popular among Raedan Generals because of the absolute guarantee of its destruction. Often the enemy leaves perfectly good cover or fortified positions just for the chance to wipe this regiment off the face of the planet. Another invariable factor is the utter obliviousness of the soldiers of their fate. No one really bothers telling them anything and their are no survivors to pass on the tale.
Leading these fine gentlemen will be the newly upgraded (i.e., they still have five guys left) command squad, Beaver Alpha.
Oh, this will be fun.
EDIT: In case your wondering, yes, sarge got the mission, and a promotion to lieutenant, from the guy at the taco stand. His name is Fausto. He's a general.
Nobody expects the Imperial Inquisition!
Accuracy is directly proportional to enemy numbers
Fuchismo, god of potatoes!
Spuds for the spud god!