40K Fluff

[ragingpotato]

oops double post. slow internet connection...

[ragingpotato]

"Ooh cake!"
"Sheffield no! It's a trap" The sergeant grabbed the private who was reaching forward just before he managed to pull off the hemet that was keeping him alive.
"There's only five of them and we've got like a hundred!"
"14 Private. We have 14."
"Where's everyone else?"
"Remember that big ol' worm that you wanted to give a gret big hug too?"
"I named him WIggles."
"Well the rest of the company don't have the same affection for Wiggles that you do. It's down to our squad."
"So we don't get cake?"
"No it's a- Simmons! Where'd you get that cake?"
"Those guys over there gave it to me."
"Warp Damn it Simmons! Fine, we'll negotiate their surrender."
"Hey, what's that"

"Can't we just virus bomb them Chet?"
Lord General Mykal Romanov sat next to his assistnt in the aquila lander as they approached the small cluster of buildings on the moo's surface"
"No, first of all, you need inquisition clearance. Second of all, we're on a troop ship."
"But I don't want to meet the Mooninite ambassador! I want to blow him up!"
"Sir, these subhumans are still tolerated by the inquisition and I doubt they would take too kindly to us wipng them all out."
WIth a light thump the aquila touched down and the two humans disembarked into the enclosed landing bay. Out of a door on the far wall a cluster of subhumans approached them. They were very tall and very thin, needing only 1/6th the regular muscle mass needed to counteract eath's gravity. The low gravity also reduced most signs of aging and no member of the group looked over the age of 30.
Mykal wore a suitof black armor with a long cape and a rebreather. Behind him was Chet and an honor guard of elite Raedans (although they were mostly mercenaries, as Raedans generally didn't live long enough to be considered "elite").
"We welcome you to the First Moon, Terra's only-" The mooninite's words were cut off as Mykal's glowing red powersword was thrust through his slender chest.
"By the Emperor's Golden Throne, SLAY THEM!" He shouted, as his honor guard gunned down the horrified denizens of the moon colony. Chet just clapped a hand to his forehead and sighed. The landing bay was opened again as the Aquila let and was replaed with a troop shuttle full of Raedan Stormtroopers (yes, these were actual Raedans, but these ones were actually sent to a real stormtrooper academy.) The stormtroopers quickly formed fireteams and advanced into the unsuspecting moon colony, slaughtering any of th subhumans they found.
Meanwhile Chet was left alone in the landing bay, Mykal having gone off to go find the mooninite leader and slay him.
"Just once, I'd like to visit a peaceful planet without commiting genocide against it's inhabitants..."

[Ghost Fist]

Nice.
For both of you.
I was wondering if I could submit something to this story? It would have to be the serious(ish) battle-emperor things, but is that okay? If so, which army? SoB, SM, or my IG?

hmmmm....

[sticky_like_cheese]

im alright with it if you do, this is getting to be fun! choose your army wisely....

......considering my imperials absolutely hate ultramarines!! so most marines now hate us....

anywho, on with my new peice;

one of the raeden privates grabbed for a peice of the delicious lemon drizzle cake and ate it, at this the rebels held down there lasguns, and allen had finally stopped scratching...
"Did you bring any other imperials along with you? do any other regiments or space marine chapters know of your where abouts?" asked rizzonos anxiously
"well, there IS one..." replied the sargeant.
"there is?! tell us of this threat!"
"i will for some more cake!"
"fine, take it all"
The squad snatched all the cake and scoffed it all down within seconds.
"ok, it's the regiment of the 80 something vendoland vipers. They say they were looking for something."
"do you know what they were looking for exactly?"
"not a clue"

what was left of the rebel command squad thanked the raedens and quickly moved back towards carrier ship chilli con carnage. suddenly, battle cries were heard from above. both regiments looked up and saw many imperial guardsmen dropping down from their valkirie.
"Sweet mother of the emperor! RUN!" shouted Eusten.
they looked forwards towards their own valkerie and noticed them leave without them.
"What?! no way!" gasped allen
"Quick, To that crater again!" commanded rizzonos
they dived into the crater and found themselves in a creepy, dark system of tunnels.
"Quick, this way!"
The squad ran through the tunnel closest to the left then through the smaller tunnel to the next left, then slipped down a hole into an extremely smelly room.
"Ugh! this is great, stuck here in this cave, no light, no back up, and it smells like cheese!"
"i just hope we're the only... things down here." rensfeild quietly exclaimed.

Ill edit this when i find out what your entering in to the story. until then, To be continued...

[ragingpotato]

I too don't mind if you insert your own army, eventually the Red Shirts will need something newe to kill them.

Lord General Mykal Romanov entered the command center of the mooninite colony. For the past three hours his stormtroopers had encountered light resistance from the subhumans, who kept retreating further and further into their habitat.
Surrounding the Lord General were his honor guard, his assistant, Chet Rogers, and his master vox trooper, a grizzled veteran named simply "Otis". The honor guardsmen (made up mostly of mercenaries) wore the traditional Red Shirt Dress Uniform: A long sleeved red shirt, tight fitting black pants, and small black boots with an imperial eagle adorning the lapel. Chet wore a similar uniform, but with a blue shirt. Mykal, although he had a lovely dress uniform, generally attended parties and negotiations in full battle regalia, consisting of a black suit of custom powered armor with an imposing helmet that incorporated a rebreather. At his side was his blood red power sword, the trademark weapon of Raedan Generals.
"There sure are a lot of these buggers eh Chet?"
Mykal gazed into the vast array of monitors in the command center showing the entire complex. About half the rooms were filled with mooninites, arming themselves and fighting the company of stormtroopers sweeping the base.
The other half of the screen showed only the delicate corpses of the subhumans with the occasional armored stormtrooper body. Mykal stopped on one of the screens, showing a group of particularly commanding looking mooninites issuing commands.
"There! That is where we shall strike! Otis, you shall remain here and keep us updated on the situation. Remember, only call when absolutely necessary."
"Can do sir, I wouldn't want to go gallivanting all over an unfamiliar base gettin' shot up by mutants anyway. But I guess you young fellows can do what you want."
The old man sat himself down in one of the narrow chairs and stared at the screens.
"Right then. Johnson, you take point."
"Uh, sir, my name's not Johnson."
"It is now."
"Right sir."

Meanwhile, just a few miles away, the last squad of assault force Alpha decided what to do next. Their allies would take care of the Rebels.
"Funny name those guys have, -Insert Here- almost as if they were expecting someone to fill it in later."
"Quiet Simmons," the sergeant said, "Ok we need to link up with the rest of the regiment so that we can go back to getting shot at, I mean, winning glory for the emperor."
"I have a suggestion!"
"Huberts, if your suggestion is the word pudding again, I will stab you in the face."
"It's not Sarge(Sarge is a very common surname on Raed, coincidentally, almost all of them are promoted to sergeant), I swear I wont say pudding again."
"Fine, what's your suggestion."
"Pudding!"
"..."
As Sarge chased after Huberts with a bayonet in low gravity, to the delight of the rest of the squad, their mysterious allies began landing on the surface.

[sticky_like_cheese]

"Funny name those guys have, -Insert Here- almost as if they were expecting someone to fill it in later."

lol

[Ghost Fist]

The 82nd Vendoland Vipers were touching down on the moon.
"Oooooh....." one private said, "It's so......moony..."
He was immediately shot by a commissar for speaking his mind.

The Elite commander of the Vipers stepped down with his staff and his bodyguard of Stormtroopers.
"aaaahhh....what a glorious day for a bat.....what's this? The ground....it's lighting up! EEEEEEKK!"
He (being important and all) was not shot, instead was slapped by a psyker who had just figured out he was blind.

The rest of the detachment filed out of the ships, wary for any ambush. Lasguns at the ready, they marched through the cratered landscape.

Something moved. Someone fired. The rest of the column got rather confused and let out some kind of battle cry and leaped for the enemies. The ground was stained red from the light from the lasweapons.

"Hi!" the Sergeant wheeled around to see a rather odd looking trooper, whose face was smothered in cake,"My name's Ralph."
"Not...from the Ralph Brigade.....? Please?" the sarge pleaded.
"No, I'm one of the few Ralphs that aren't part of the Ralph Brigade." he replied.
"Oh...thank the Emperor!" sergeant vittles said, " hey, you're coming with us."
"Do you have cake?"
"Ummmm....yess...."Vittles said to the red and blue warrior.
"Woohoo!"

The column of guardsmen formed up again, having expended 2,000 clips of ammo, to one dead Space Bunny. (It was later discovered that the bunny had never been in fact hit with a lasgun, and had been dead for several days)
Still, that didn't stop the Guardsmen from arguing about who shot it.
The Vendolish Commander Polokiop ordered them forward. The reached some kind of settlement, and ventured inside. There were several thousand dead bodies lying around, all of them some kind of alien-human thing.
They saw a live one standing around looking thoroughly shocked.
Suddenly one of is men, mysteriously called Jimbo, screamed "It's coming right for us!" and loosed a missile at it. He missed, and the explosion brought many more of them out.
"Quick Ned," he shouted to the flamer-man,"Thin out their numbers!"
"nn...Thin out their numbers," he said through an implant in his neck as e burned them to a crisp.

Suddenly, a wave of Raedens appeared over the hill. Some, on a truck were looking for more of the subhumans.
"look, there are some!"
"I saw them first!" exclaimed a Red shirt, but this was immediately discredited because he was blind.
The two armies noticed each other and prepared to charge.......

[sticky_like_cheese]

The guardsmen aboard mother ship chilli con carnage were searching around for another nintendo gamecube controller as they came across a door labelled, "emergancy equipment". they slid open the door only to find atleast 200 hazard suits WITH respirators, and the odd vox caster.
"ah-ha! so this is where we keep the emergancy equipment!"
"Yeah, who would've guessed?"
"Hey Jones, tell leutenant that we found the rest of the respirators."
"Right away... uh-oh."
"what?"
"the toilets blocked."
"oh good i thought you were gonna say something really bad like, we left leitenent and the veterans on the moon."
awkward silence fillled the room, and for a strange reason, the rest of the ship.
"Eddy, change direction immediately! headback to 'not so holy' terra's moon!"
"what? im not driving i was just playing on my mobile"
"then whos driving?"
"the new recruit, he actually has a degree in piloting"
"whos that?"
"ya know, albert... the monkey."
"what?! your letting a monkey drive our mothership?!"
"sure, why not?"
"... never miond, he's doing a better job than you, atleast the waste is actually in the toilet this time. just make him get back to the moon, we need to send back-up Rizzonos!"
"right away!"
Eddy mutered something into the monkey's ear and then monkey looked at him with a somewhat disgusted way. then, they broke out into an arguement that not even techpreist Potterton could understand. in the meantime, jones took the wheel and headed full throttle back for the moon. this probably wasn't the best of ideas as they had forgotten about the mothership of the 82nd Vendoland Vipers.
"everyone get those hazard suits on and get yourselves in those drop ships!"
"Cpl. jones, should we send in project IVVXVIXV?"
"exelent..."
"is that a yes?"
"ofcoarse it's a yes you fool!"
as the 20 drop pods headed to the moons surface, the pilots of 'carnage were fighting an epic battle in outer space around the moon, a storm trooper squad was landed in the hangar of the enemy mothership by valkerie undy-panty-smelly. they sneaked into one of the small corridors just to the left of where they landed, to be continued on this subject.

most of the drop pods landed safely on the moons rough surface, the remaining 4 land bang in the centre of a large crater. the drop pod landed safely just out of reach of the surface. the four squads turned their lasgun attached torches on, to do this all they had to do was hold down the trigger.
"sarge, what now?"
"hey you, andy, use your vox and try and call for help from the surface"
"yes sargeant"
*radio feedback* many squeels and even guardsmen cries were heard from the vox.
"i cant get ahold of them sarge!"
"nuts! try connecting to the master vox, veteran allen took it with him when he went on that mission with the lietenant."
"yes sarge"
more of the sreeches and cries were heard from the vox, but much more clearly.
"Command squad bravo mooso, do you copy, this is guard squad plasmo blasto."
"thats a 10/4, plasmo blasto, this is command squad bravo mooso, where is your possition?" Allen replied through the master vox
"We, landed in some sort of crater, it's pitch black in here, the rest of our men are up top-side searching for the hostiles we saw before we left, and the pilots in our mothership are fighting an -->epic<-- battle up in the moons atmosphere. and what are those noises?!"
"that would be us, and these creatures we're ripping to shreds"
"creatures?! you mean we're not alone down here?!"
"oh, no way! we've been down here for hours, fighting our way out, mostly just scary lookin alien things, kind of like that film alien VS predator. not too hard for elites like us eh?"
"right, hold the phone." "sarge, we're not alone down here, there are... creatures down here, many, many creatures."
sarge: "Oh great, could it be any worse? stuck here, no way out, no back-up, our command squad being mauled half to death by foul xenos."
then the ground beneath (and above) them began to shake.
"god it really is like a movie!"
"how ironic" said sarge.
"holy dear sweet scummy emperor! you guys get your a**es down here noW! we are in need of back-up! theres some kind of......... ing.......att.....s.....om.....ind!"
"what?! i cant hear you, your breaking up!"
"he...d ....own... find ....an....open.....ng"
"did you get that andy?!"
"i think i just got it sarge. i think it was; he's down, find an open ming"
"right away!"
"where are we going to find a ming vase down here?"
they heard men screaming and the ground beneath then started to shake vigerously.
"oh hell no."
"i think now would be a good time to run"

to be continued...

[ragingpotato]

"Where'd all the stormtroopers go?" Mykal asked as he made his way deeper and deeper into the mooninite base.
"If I had to guess, I'd say they are dead."
"Well at least they managed to kill all these dirty moon people."
Chet glanced at the aforementioned "dirty moon people". They had been completely disemboweled, decapitated, and partially eaten.
"Uh, sir, I don't think it was the stormtroopers."
"Whatever."
dee-dee-dee
"Lord General!"
"What is is Otis?"
"You've reached the mooninite commercial district. There are shops where you canm buy clothes and food."
"... thank you Otis. Now, do you remember what I told you when you called us while we were trying to ambush those guards to tell us how to use our lasguns?"
"only call during an emergency?"
"Yes Otis."
"Ok, Johnson, you and Henderson check that building over there-"
dee-dee-dee
"What is it Otis?"
"I forgot to tell you, the Vendoland Vipers are here."
"... so telling us information we already know is important, but letting us know that an entirely new army has arrived is not?"
"Also, the mooniniotes are outside fighting them, along with 6th 7th and 87th company."
"So they have come to help us fight the moon-heretic-blasphemy-mutants?"
"Actually the mooninites were wiped out in the first few minutes and our men are just kinda fighting the Vendolands. And each other. And a Space Bunny."
"Good to know Otis, now remember, only call when it's important. Alright Johnson... where's johnson."
The Red Shirts looked over to the dark corridor where Johnson (actually his name was Gage) had been standing.
"That's weird, it's not like Johnson to run off.."
"Uh SIr..."
"Not now Chet, Johnson's missing."
"Yeah, Private Johnson's dead."
"How do you know that."
"I'm pretty sure that's his torso being eaten by those aliens."
Mykal looked at the dark corridor to find a strange alien beast enjoying Private Gage(Johnson)'s left kidney.
"Emperor's Holy Pancreas! What the warp is that?"

(3 hours earlier)
Stormtrooper fireteams Weasel Alpha and Weasel Two entered the subhuman lab and gunned down it's thin inhabitants.
"HA Ha Jenkins that bring's my total up to 15."
The eight stormtroopers fanned out in search of, as their handbook described it "Phat Lewtz". They paused in front of a massive door with the words:
WARNING MUTATED TYRNANID BREEDER EXTREME DANGER
"I bet it's full of candy!"
Sergeant Williams smacked the stormtrooper on the head.
"Alright, behind that door may or may not be a bunch of incedibly dangerous xenos freaks. However, our orders are to sweep this entire complex so we're gonna go in their. Now, I want 2 men positioned on each side of the door, we'll build a barricade with these tables and make sure nothing leaves this room. When we open the door, me and the other three men will throw as many grenades as we can. If necessary, Corporal Sohmer will call for backup from Weasel Drei and Weasel Quatro. If we do this by the book we have a reasonably high chanceof success. Any Questions."
At this point, Corporal Jenkins, who had switched off his intersquad link, decided that the sarge was done talking and the obvious course of action would be to go in there and get that candy.
"Alright boys, let's do this! LEEROOOOOY JENKIIIINSSS!"
Corporal Jenkins opened the door to the cavern, filled with thousands of mutant tyranids. If I may insert one more video game reference, it was a "Zerg Rush".

[Ghost Fist]

The Vipers heard the scream of "Emperor's Holy Pancreas!"
A squad of Storm Troopers were dispatched to find the cause. They arrived to see a Tyranid ripping a guardsman apart. they immediately opened fire, their Hellguns blowing the alien away as the enemy guardsmen stood slack jawed. The Stormtroopers realized that the xeno was dead, and instead aimed at the Raedens.
"Give me a reason not to pull this trigger," their sergeant, Billium, snarled at them.
"Because.....I'm....your....father?" Chet stammered.
"Daddy?"
"Huh"
"Daddy!" Billium fell to his knees, tears streaming down his face, "why did you leave me those years ago?"
"Ummmm...."
"Hey! You're not Daddy!" The sarge stood, fitting his helmet and mask again, "You're just some stupid cannon fodder!"
"Hey, I may be stupid, but I am not cannon fodder!" Chet yelled, "I am a proud Raeden Red Shir-" He was cut off by loud guffaws of laughter from the Stormtroopers, who fell about the floor, breathless with mirth.

In the courtyard, where the Raedens and Vendolish were battling, there was utter chaos. The Tyranids had found the batleground, and were eating anyone that got in their way and, indeed, many people who did not. A large group of them mobbed in the center, a perfect target for an earthshaker cannon, but, alas, the Red Shirts couldn't afford them.
BOOOOMM!!!!
Fortunately, the Vendolish could. An Armoured Company broke through the walls of the dome, and blew up anything that remotely looked like a Tyranid. This, sadly, included the Space Bunnies, who had been helping the Imperials.
A Hellhound, trailing an optimistic Space Marine who had a leash on it, burnt the 'Nids and many buildings to the ground. The AC destroyed centuries, nay, millennia of history and technology in about......ooooh.....3 seconds.

The rebels took this time to advance on the city....

[sticky_like_cheese]

OUCH! i just got back from marching for 6 bhours straight! the whole botton half of me feels dead...
anywho:

"edd, hows it going up the front there?" asked extrordinarily sain psyker kinders. the reason why he was sain is because he isnt actually psychic because he was afraid to have that helmet thing fused to his brain, instead, he just trains in psycology.
"heck its great! both the enemies are retreating! even the slightly good ones!"
"really? dear space bunnies its a miricle! now get to the objective."
"yes sir.... what's the objective?"
"i just got a radio call from guard squad plasmo blasto saying they had an emergancy. something like; we're getting down under, or get me a carton of 100% freshly squeesed orange juice."
now when i said he was sain, i meant, on the verge of 'sain'.
"right, there's a settlement up ahead, or what looks like it, but we'll have to go through the enemies."
"do whatever you mu....." psyker kinders speech was cut out as he was stabbed in the back the sything talons of a rather large gaunt. it was a gory sight, many guardsmen found it entertaining untill they, too, got sliced in half, or quarter, or, eighths, and even the occasional 30ths.
"sir, whats wrong, sir! holy cheezits, i think hes dead!"
guard squad raptor who had been speaking to the psyker looked around to see carnage as thousands of tyranids swarmed from the craters around them. then edd, the veteran sargeant of there squad looked back infront and saw to the rebels favor, project IVVXVIXV.
"thank the imperials, we're saved!"
project IVVXVIXV was a new model of baneblade, created from scratch by the rebels themselves. forged in the volcanic volcanoes of volcanic planet VIII.
"i want the best crewmen ever recruited by the OE legion in the echoe-blade right away!"
"right away sir!"
the 3 most experianced tank operators in the old earth legion were dropped straight to ground in drop pods by the mothership. crushing a whole load of gaunts as they landed, they then advanced to the echoe bland ASAP. from here it was a take and hold mission, untill they could get the thing working.
"sir, there is no fuel!"
"that helps! what in the world does this thing take anyway?"
"i'd suspect regular fuel, but its not firing up"
"we'll have to try something else, what resources does this place have to offer?"
"uh sir, didnt we hear that guard squad plasmo blasto were stuck underneath the surface? we could try to contact them, in sur there'll be something down there"
"well, you have the vox, why dont you ask em!?"
"will do sir."

guard squad plasmo blasto got the transmission from the imperial rebels above, and made it there new objective to scope out something fuel worthy. straight after they and command excaped or killed the hive tyrant that was chasing closly behing them!

meanwhile, as ghost fist ignored the matter, more troops were landed inside his ship.

[Ghost Fist]

.....or so they thought. The commander of the ship was watching the monitors all the time. He drew all of the enemy soldiers into one room, then locked all doors leading to the room. Then, he vented the atmosphere, and opened the room to space, sweeping all the enemies into the vacuum of space. He then activated the guns and blasted the dropships to pieces of flaming debris. That done, he went back to playing his Wii.

On the surface, the Raedens were negotiating their surrender with the Vendolish. The Tyranids had been eradicated by the combined forces, and the commanders met.
"Okay, we have defeated you, must must disarm and hand over all ammunition," Polokiop said.
The enemy leader spluttered with laughter, "You, you think we have ammo? Hah! Most of us don't even have guns!"
"I see......" Polokiop mused, "Fine, you must give us all your fuel and armoured vehicles."
"Vehicles? Fuel? What do you take us for? Cadians? We don't even have money for helmets damn you!"
"Hmmmmm......." the General pondered, waiting for RagingPotato to finish the dialogue.

[ragingpotato]

"Well you must have something!" The enemy commander said as Raedan Lieutenant Sarge mentally reveiwed their inventory.
"Uhh, let's see, besides a truly vast number of infantry we don't have much... oh wait! you want some gold?"
"Gold?"
"Yeah, Raed IV's moon is made entirely of gold, so the majority of our soldiers carry a small bag of it around their necks, both for luck, and to throw it in the even they received a lasgun made from socks."
"Well I suppose it's better than nothing." the enemy commander said.
"Plus, if you don't accept we still have roughly 80,000 more men in orbit if you wanna continue fighting." Sarge gathered the "Post-Battle Recovery Team", or Goldfarmers (for some reason, I'm really into WoW jokes this week) as the rest of the regiment referred to them.
Sarge, you gather the gold off our dead and give it to the nice their squads gather the usable equipment"

Usable equipment was a luxury few of the Raedans could afford. Mykal Romanov was not one of them. As the enemy (well, technically they were supposedly allies, but that was a distinction Mykal rarely made) stormtroopers laughed at his regiments reputation, he reached into his belt and pulled out a micro grenade. As it detonated he ran off down a corridor, subconsciously making sure it was not the one the Tyranid had emerged from. Chet sighed and ran off fter him followed by the seven surviving Honor Guardsmen.
dee-dee-dee
"Lord general, the Vendoland Vipers have entered the facility."
"Warp Damn it Otis!"
"Just wnted to let you know. Oh also, your coming up on the subhuman command building, although most of the mooninites seem to be dead, I think theri leader's probably still in there."
"Thanks Otis, for once that was actualy useful information."
"Oh by the way, the three companies on the surface have surrendered."
"WHAT! THe next words out of your mouth better be 'becaue they were all dead' or the next thing in your mouth will be the barrel of my laspistol."
"Actually, they ran out of ammo."
"Lasguns have bayonets for a reason."
"Not when they're made of styrofoam"
"Lasguns are also expensive. Look, Otis, I need you to get out there and organize the men to ambush them while they're off guard. Then send word to the troop transports to unload all the troops."
"Actually the troop transports are on the far side of the moon because of the space battle."
"THERE WAS A SPACE BATTLE!?!"
"Yeah,did I forget to tell you?"
"Yes you forgot to tell me you old fool! Your the worst communications officer ever."
"Actually I'm your communications officer Sir," Chet piped in
"Well then who the hell is Otis."
"He's the Janitor from the ship sir."
"WARP DAMN IT!"
As Mykal disconnected, the group reached a large door.
"Well open it up Sanchez, I bet the buggers will surrender immediately."
As Sanchez (actual name: Lorn) opened the door, concerns about his name vanished as he and three other Red Shirts were gunned down by an autogun turret.

[sticky_like_cheese]

"HAHA! you scummy rae..... raedens? aww warp damn it! we were supposed to have an alliance, so much for that." said vet sarge hughes.
"you fool! now we have 2 whole regiments after us!"
*bang*
"you seem to forget, i have a commisar badge" hughes tried to shoot te guardsmans head off but missed, hitting the last space bunny on the whole planet, i mean moon.
"NOOOOOO! MR.FLUFFERS!"
"oh quiet you big ba BLEH!" hughes was shot by the raeden commanders laspistal.
"ouch my eye! careful where you shine that thing!" moaned hughes.
"i have a favour to ask you and your fellow, rebels."
"what might that be eh?"
"i need you to give us guns, lots of guns."
"erm... what do we get?"
"absolutely nothing"
"well, lemme just call LT.... holy crap i forggot, we were meant to be resqueing the LT!" with that the guardsmen stormed out of the room to the east, which was away from all enemy troops and came to a wide open, room, that looked very empty, untill they saw the lightswitch and turned it on..

[Ghost Fist]

.....and an entire army of Sisters of Battle stared back at them.
"Look!" one of them said, "Are they heretics? Can I burn them?" she hefted her flamer hopefully.
"No, Sally, you can't 'burn' them.....you can cleanse them though!" the Canoness Carmina said.
"Yaaaaaaaay!" Sally said as she rushed forward.
"But not yet," Carmina grunted as she snatched the Battle Sister back, "State your name and rank!"
"Ummm....Commissar Hughes of the umm.....*mumbles something that sounds like an army*" the guardsman said
"What are you doing in the Sacred Convent of the Order of the Emerald Rose?" Carmina asked.
"Sorry, we didn't know," Hughes said.
"Oh, OK, that's fine," the Canoness said, "remember, as it says on pg. 29 of the Holy Volume of Warhammer 40k it says, 'Ignorance is Bliss.'"


On the surface, the Vendolish guardsmen were staggering with the weight of the gold they each carried. Each Raeden trooper carried a bag of about 2 pounds of gold, and there were a lot of Raedens, most of them dead. The Vendolish guardsmen dumped all their gold into dropships which carried them back to the mothership. The amount of gold was calculated at roughly 150,000 pounds, but only around 137,000 was recovered. Strangely enough, the Vendolish soldiers trousers and packs seemed to be drooping a lot more after the gold recovery.......