40K Fluff

[Ghost Fist]

Emperor-Damned Double-Post!!!

[ragingpotato]

Mykal jumped out of the way of the turret as a Red Shirt wisely elected to throw a grenade, which gave away his lack of actual Raedan heritage (that and the fact that he spoke only Tallarn)
"Good work Private Derkity Derkity, Alright let's get in thyeir and see what;s going down."
Private Akmed wisely opted not to correct the Lord General, not that he would have understood a word he said. Chet and the other two survivng honor guards, Private Jakobs, and Private Kalishmat.
Beyond the turret stood three determined mooninite security officers positioned in front of two more regally dressed subhumans.
"Please, we are loyal citizens of the Imperium! Why are you doing this?" one of the moon people pleaded.
"Really, I was just bored."
With that the Raedans open fire and gunned down the last surviving subhumans on the moon. (well, except for a few ratlings on the scavenger squads).
"Uh sir, we might want to leave..."
"Soon Chet, but first we must reflewct on what we have accomplished this day. Also, steal anything of value."
"The Battle Sisters are here."
"Well, that's enough reflecting, eh Chet? We should really be getting back."

Back outside the 25,000 remaining Raedans on the moon filed back into their shuttles, lamenting the loss of their good-luck gold but treasuring the rifles that several of them had been newly equipped with. Though 2/3rds of the the three companies that had been sent down had been killed, that was still classified as a victory in the Red Shirt handbook (it only counts as a defeat if and only if, after the force is wiped out, they are raised from the dead and killed three more times. This really raises their victory percentage, encouraging more people to join [as if they had a choice])
Back at the moon colony, the survivors of assualt force Alpha (all 14 of them) stood by the entrance to greet the Lord General, Chet, and two Red Shirts (sadly, Private Jakobs had suffered a fatal heart attack)
"Good to see you sir"
"Ah, Sergeant Mango, where are the others?"
"Uh, actually it's... nevermind, Mango's fine. Anyway, most of the men are back onto the ships, awaiting you so that we can continue on to wherever it was we were going."
"Good good... hey, where's my Aquila Lander?"
"Actually I saw someone get tin and fly off, it looked like the janitor back from the troopship..."
"OTIIIIIIISSSSS!!!"

[sticky_like_cheese]

"anywho, i think we'll be off now..." said hughes to the battle sisters, as they were interupting a rather private... seromony.
"not so fast! i didnt get to bur..."
"cleanse"
"right, cleanse you"
"what?! but im no heretic!"
"but, she promised! please please please!"
interupting this moment, several vendoland vipers smashed in through the roof.
"see ya!" said hughes under his breath as he and the other guardsmen ran.
"but sarge, couldn't we stay for a bit longer? i quite like the idea of being cleaned by a sister of battle"
"silence fool! she wanted to melt our brains into icky pink powdery goo!"
they carried on running and to their delight, saw command squad bravo mooso and plasmo blasto running straight towards the mooninite building.
"oh thank the heavens! now our ego wont be mocked for not saving the lietenant!" there happiness was short as they saw, chasing after them,the biggest darn xenos you ever did see!
"gotta run!" said one of the privates in the guard squad, he ran back to the sisters to be cleansed.
"dear sweet chewy warp beasts! what the hell is that thing?!"
"less talky more runny!" yelled rizzonos as he stormed past.
"send orders to the echo-blade, we need fire support! and send in the leman-russes too!"
"mother ship 'carnage come in! come in! we need you to send down the heavy artillery! imediately! and drop equipment, we need snipeers, lots of snipers, send in heavy weapons the guardsmen could use them! come in echo-blade! get your hienys due south of the mooninite base pronto!" demanded allen.
"no can do bravo', we got our own problems up here!" replied carnage
"does the thought of a monster 5 times the size of a hive tyrant help cxhange your mind?!
"we're on it!"........

[ubercaboose]

ya know? after reading all of your grand fluffy stuff, it makes me wont to make a gaurd army, but give all but a few of them las guns, helmats, or anything else, and then give then a 7 digit regiment number



if i was wearing at hat at the moment, i'd take it off to you sir

[sticky_like_cheese]

why thank you good sir! i gotta admit, i look forward to the part of the day where i put my part of the story in, making fluff is fun! just gotta do my tau army's fluff.

oh, and were you talking to just raging potato or us guys aswell?

[ragingpotato]

Well, assuming the compliment was at least partially directed at me (or wahtever) Thank you, and you may replace your hypothetical hat.
The real Raedan REd SHirts army I have, while fully equipped with lasguns (they have survived at least one battle and "redistributed" the dead men's equipment), less than 1 in 4 is actually wearing the standard helmet. The others are either bare headed, sentinel drivers caps, bretonnian helmets, and several other hats I have found.

[Ghost Fist]

The squad of Vendoland Vipers looked around in confusion in the SoB convent. Then...
"Hey, I know you! We're both owned by the same guy!" the Sarge said.
The Canoness looked doubtful, " OK, prove it! What did our master buy, for how much, and for what purpose?"
"A Leman Russ for $10, to complete his Armoured Company," he replied without hesitation.
"Okaayy...when?"
"3 weeks ago."
"Damn! They're right!" the Canoness admitted, "We'll have to find something/someone else to cleanse...."


The rest of the Vipers were receiving garbled requests for help at the southern end of the base.
They staggered over there (remember, they're still weighed down with gold) to find some kind of Tyranid Bio-Titan.
"Halt!" Polokiop ordered, "present arms! and....FIRE!!!"
The Bio-Titan writhed under the onslaught, but was no closer to being killed.
"MIssiles! Fire!"
The smoke trails led up to the Titan, where the missiles exploded in mid-air.
"What the hell was that?" A Squad Leader breathed just before an enormous Venom Cannon turned his entire squad to a puddle of distorted bone and melted muscle tissue.
The Armoured Company added its fire against the beast, including the Hellhound, which still had the Space Marine attached to it via leash.
Suddenly, the Titan distorted, then was normal again. Polokiop noted that his weapons were evaporating further in now, and yelled, "We've downed a shield! It's not invulnerable! Double your fire!!!" and any further orders were drowned out by the huge snap-hiss volleys of lasguns, the roar of heavy bolters, and the huge thumps as the Leman Russes shook the earth (well, moon) with their battlecannons.....

[ubercaboose]

I directed it at ragingpotato


if one is in need of hats to give to some miniatures, i have found that Lego hats work pretty well




i was thinking of giveing some of my Necrons hats...... not that would be cool

[sticky_like_cheese]

"D'ya think we're safe in here?" asked a mysterious voice to the 'man' next to him.
"i hope so, those mooninites have been hasseling us for our rent for weeks!"
they heard a thumping, getting louder and louder, like the thumping of running feet.
"oh dear sweet sugary goodness, that must be the tax collectors again.."
the 10 figures scuttled as far as they could into a their cave, which was just a small crator.
"Quick men! while the beast is distracted! take cover in the holes!" hughes ordered.
one hundred imperial.... i mean alliance guard dived into the cover and aimed their lasguns at the bio titan.
"wait, HOLD YOUR FIRE!" rizzonos shouted. "reason #1 lasguns wont do anything against that foul beast! i mean, come on! Strength 3 AP - !! and reason #2 its turned around, maybe those imperial guys could use some help."
"sir that second one was a reason to fire surely?"
"i said imperials, hughes."
"ah"
meanwhile the 10 mysterious beings were having a conversation between themselves.
"wow! more humans! should we talk to 'em?"
"no way, they're probably those imperials coming to look for us!"
"oh heck no! they aint takin me back!"
several of the guardsmen who had coincidentaly jumped into the same crator as them turned around.
"Sir, sir! Grey Knights are here!!! GREY KNIGHTS! Permission to shoot sir!!"
"WHAT?! OPEN FIRE!"
"WAIT! What do you mean 'open fire'?! we're your allies! the space marines!"
"shut up! you'll get us all killed!"
"Allies? Who are you really, you cant be space marines, You would know. We are the Old Earth Legion!"
"The wa? You mean the rebels that those mooninite people have been talking about?! DUDE! We have heard great stories about you guys!"
"You what? take off your helmets!"
The 10 'grey knights' took off their helmets to show themselves.
"Hmmm, where did you get that power armour?"
"Errrr. We stole it..."
"How in the name of buritos did you steal power armour from the inquisition?!"
"Beleive me, it was hard! We've been against the space marines ever since they came into production. We joined the guard, but they respect the space marines. but, since space marines, we have been killing everything that we dont understand! We could have been making allies, but the space marines refuse! the tau, the eldar. but no, they decide to make enemies instead. Well, i thought in my mind, space marines, today you have made a new enemy, humans."
"Exactly what we thought but, that doesnt answer my question, how did you steal 10 suits of grey knight power armour?"
"oh, that was easy, us guys are trained scouts."
"but dont they have psychic powers? how did they not know you were there?"
"we arent heretics. besides, just to clear this up. it was the other 100 odd suits we stole, for the guys, that was the hard part" they pointed to a large hole in the wall where there was atleast 100 suits of GK power armour and storm bolters, nemesis weapons, and even the odd incinerator or psycannon.
"There are more of you? where?!"
"most of them got arrested for not paying their rent."
"and one more question, how did you get here?"
"many of the guys were pilots, We managed to steal several valkeries whilst on a resque mission for the marines."
"right" said rizzonos as he reloaded his pistol, this started off a chain reactio as all of the other guardsmen reloaded their guns. "Me, Allen, Rensfeild, Lore, Eusten and you guys will go and find those soldiers. Anyone who is trained to use a tank, or to use heavy weapons, proceed to the drop zone imediately, any other remaining troops, get that power armour on, and help out those vipers! GO GO GO!"
The Guardsmen all got to their tasks right away, swarming out of the crators like the tyranids themselves...]

[ragingpotato]

Just to let you guys know, the Red Shirts shall be taking no further part in this story, as I have run out of things to write. You guys can keep going if you wish.
Also, thanks ubercaboose.

[sticky_like_cheese]

you can always join the alliance

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! ITS DEAD!!

[ragingpotato]

It's new fluff time! Huzzah! Huzzah! BRRRRRRRRRRRMMMMMM CRASH!

"I told you you shouldn't have called him that sir."
On the deck of The Majestic Cobra Dragon of Fuchismo's Holy, Yet Often Unnoticed Vengeance Chapter Master Big Crazy Jim watched as a massive tau fleet entered the system and began firing upon his vessels.
"Well Reg, how was I supposed to know he would get this offended if i mispronounced his name!" The large, mentally unstable space marine slammed a fist down on his command pulpit, adding to its lovely collection of anger inflicted damage. Next to him was his old friend, brother sergeant Regular Jim. All around the deck there was confusion, as the space marines never bothered to turn off interhelmet links when issuing orders and thus the ordinary humans on the bridge had no idea what they were supposed to be doing.
The good news was that their were space marines doing the actual piloting of the ship. The bad news was that they were in fact, Hank and Janssen, who were the closest thing BCJ had to a techmarine in 4th company ever since Brother Leon was tragically killed when he took a lasgun blast to his left kidney, the only remaining biological part of his body.
The tau fleet crippled a smaller frigate, The Hank and now had a clear shot at the Acolytes flagship.
"We need to take out their capital ship before they take out ours, especially seeing as that would be us!"
"Well sir, I think it might be that one."
"What makes you say that Reg?"
"Well for one thing, it's three times the size of the others and it's got the tau word for ethereal painted on the side of it."
"Well if it's ethereal won't our bullets just pass through it?"
The veteran sergeant stared at his chapter master.
"Er, that was a joke Reg. Why aren't you laughing? LAUGH!"
"Right, very funny sir, anyway, I was thinking we could teleport some of first companies terminators in there."
"Don't you remember, they all became Buddhists!"
"Actually they all quit when they realized they couldn't eat ribs."
"I know how they feel. Ribs are delicious! Slathered in barbecue sauce... Let's get some ribs!"
The bridge shook as the tau fleet began firing.
"Right sir, as soon as we teleport those terminators."
to be continued...

[ubercaboose]

RIBS!!!!!!! *runs off to get some*




[idea]maybee, some Imperial Inquisitors(but dressed up as the Spanish Inquisition ) chould come opon BCJ and question him on why his Termies went Buddist, and if I'm remembering correctly, since thier Chaos, it'd be reather odd for them to let some Inquisitors on thier ship eh?[/idea]

[Brother Bryan]

Along time ago on the frozen planet of baalz.
A small Dark Eldar slave fource traveled onto looking for any life they could find for slaves hearing of the mighty and insain Dante's rejects.
The Dante's rejects master's of Ork warfar that makes the orks them selves bow down to the insainity and randomness making realality seem thin.

The Dark ones would travel into mountains knowing the orbital strikes of rhinos and giant gineapigs fitted with demolisher cannon's.
Within weeks they had found a small out post a mandrake was sent to it to scout to see if their was any their. Sadly their was.
Hours apon hours had past with no sighn of the mandrake
Thinking that he had eaten the flesh of every one that would dare be there a whych was sent in later. More hours past and the ground it self had collasped beneeth the feet of the dark eldar. Many had suffered broken bones from the fall except for the Haemonculus oldinas hagus.
The enraged Haemonculus left her limb shattered warriors for death to seek revenge for such an insult to pull off a dispictable move

"ARE YE COWARDS!? DO YE TRULY FEAR THE WRATH OF THE DARK ELDAR?! IS THIS THE MIGHTY REJECTS?!

a reply came from the hall way behind her

"why dont you come over here my torments are much greater. Oh never mind your some old ugly thing. Wow it looks like the eldar are more pretty. Thats sad to think the mighty dark eldar could be out done by thouse of the craft worlds." The young man snickered

"What?! There is no pain I do not know. There is none I cant inflick I will face you human filth!"

"Good I would use my torment on you and your weaklings and come out and play but. I am sure slaanesh would dislike me for picking on its slave's with out reason."

"How dare ye!"

The enraged Haemonculus charged down the darked hall screaming clamping her Sissorhand a clang was heard as the hand flung from the darkness into the forhead of a warior as some sound came.
A horrid sound of which of a little girls voice as loud as you could think of went though the halls and the screams of the eldar came with it

"MAKE IT STOP MAKE IT STOP!!"

The marine laughed as he went deep into every one of their minds erasing their standereds and most of their past leaving them confused and afraid all but the Haemonculus the eldar fainted as he laughed

"Surprised? It is older then the any thing a man can know of infact you eldar might not even know its sound!"

"What-what has she who thirst told you?!"

"Nothing hag. But her whispers are always here after all what other space marine chapter has children? That and females with geneseeds. You can thank the fool fabius if you have ever met him. Now hag I am now going to rip your thoughts piece by piece. YOUR MY SWEETY!!"

[Fallowing information was deleted do to windows 9600 isnt that good and the rejects are called rejects for reason]



Many years later what was left of the dark eldar fource was now under controle of the dante's rejects along with its ships what little they brought til this day the rejects still brain wash xenos in order to cause false crusades to loot any thing they can during the confusion of battle

[ragingpotato]

Right then, continuing-

5 squads of terminators stood resplendent in the main teleporter room of... ship with a long name. Attached to some of the ancient suits of armor were flowers and ceremonial beads, from the terminator companies brief stint as members of a long obsolete religion. Now they had once again returned to their stupider, yet more contemporary idealogy.
Captain Arturas of the Acolytes of Fuchismo 1st company addresses his men:
"Alright men the time has come once again to take up stormbolter and powerfist against the enemies of the Emperor!"
"Uh, Fuchismo sir, we worship Fuchismo."
"Right. SO in the name of mighty Fershizzle we shall fight! In his or possibly her glorious name our foes shall be crushed beneath our mighty armored heels! Beam us down Scotty!"
"Actually it's Hank sir."
Yes, Hank and Janssen, still being the most technologically qualified marines on board (Big Crazy Jim had meant to find a new techmarine but hadn't gotten around to it yet), were in charge of the teleporter array. Need I remind you that there only technical experience was a being painted redf at one point.
Janssen pulled some levers, Hank pressed some buttons. Nothing happened. FInally one of the terminators pointed out that they had, in fact, been fiddling with the thermostat. Soon, however they located what appeared to be the "teleport" button, based on the fact that it was large, red, and had teleport written on it.
"Alright Janssen, let's rock and roll!"
Hank slammed down on the button. With a tremendous flash... the terminators were still there. It turned out they had actually been standing in the wrong room. Han kand Janssen however, were in the teleporter room...
With another flash the two space marines arrived in a broom closet. A very technologically advanced broom closet. They stepped into the stark white hallway and looked around at the unfamiliar symbols adorning the occasional control panel. The prescence of a startled air-caste tau confirmed it. Hank and JAnssen were aboard a tau ship.
"Oh come on! Who puts the teleport button INSIDE the teleport room!"